speeddadiva

This week’s posts have focused on how to make a good first impression.  Sometimes, it can be just as important that you do not make a bad first impression.  Whether you are speed dating or simply meeting someone for the first time, here are some traits that gals should try to avoid because men have shared that they do not like them in women:

• Hair- Untouchable, over processed or bleached, roots showing, badly colored, extreme styling
• Nails – dirty, chipped or peeling polish, wild or garish nail color, ultra extreme lengths
• Clothing – too revealing, too tight, not appropriate for the planned activity, overdressed, untouchable
• Make up – too extreme, unnatural, too heavy, undead or Elvira look
• Behaviors – talking with mouthful, loud obnoxious laughing, fidgeting, loud gum chewing & smacking, allowing or initiating cell phone calls, texting or other electronic interruptions, mentioning former boyfriend or spouse, lacking goals, gold digger conduct
• Speech – Potty mouth, cursing, swearing, negative

Yesterday’s blog focused on how to make a good first impression.  Sometimes, it can be just as important that you do not make a bad first impression.  Whether you are speed dating or simply meeting someone for the first time, here are some traits that guys should try to avoid because women have shared that they do not like them in men:

• Hair- Obvious comb-overs in order to disguise balding, badly fitted hairpieces, hair too long and dated, extreme hairstyles – too punk or too old, uncombed
• Facial hair – beards and / or mustaches in general, five o’clock shadow, not groomed, multi-colored, patchy
• Nails – dirty, rough or chapped hands
• Clothing – ill-fitting, slovenly, stained, too casual, underdressed
• Behaviors – talking with mouthful, lack of control over bodily functions like belching & farting, picking teeth, inappropriate social behavior, allowing or initiating cell phone calls, texting or other electronic interruptions, mentioning former girlfriend or spouse, lacking personal & professional goals, being negative, cheap, not being open-minded
• Speech – crude, cursing, swearing, negative, boasting, bigoted.

Tomorrow we’ll share the top women’s traits that turn off men.

What’s not to like? First impressions count! Got an initial in person meeting coming up? This week’s blog posts: How not to disappoint.

Whether you’re meeting someone initially in person at a speed dating event or at a business meeting or interview, there is simply nothing that compares with meeting face-to-face. Compared to online or phone meet-ups, an in person meeting has many advantages and dimensions. The most obvious difference is that in person all the senses are engaged. So be sure to use them to your advantage both to make a positive first impression and to take in a broader view of the other party.

While we’re all endowed with multiple senses, each of us has some senses dominate over others. Some people are more visual. Some are very reactive to sound and noise.  Some have a strong sense of smell.  Others are tactile. But no matter what your own sensory situation, if someone else blatantly ignores the limits of good taste with regard to any sense, it’s hard not to notice and be turned off. That’s why, even though you might be very drawn to someone’s looks, it may be hard to ignore the fact that they surround themselves in a cloud of heavy fragrance.

My advice for an initial meeting is to aim for moderation. Try to avoid extremes. Dress moderately in flattering, well fitting, clean, unwrinkled clothing. Make sure your shoes are suitable to the occasion, clean and in good repair. Groom impeccably. Make sure your hands are clean and in shape to shake hands. (Yes, guys use hand cream too.) Even the most legendary beauties wear make-up and have their hair styled. So learn what’s flattering to you and what you can manage.  Just steer clear of anything extreme. Learn what’s makes an office, casual and evening look and choose according to the occasion.

Be aware that many people are fragrance sensitive. But one doesn’t have to be in that category to find heady scents or heavy use of fragrance unpleasant.  It always surprises me to learn how many people don’t realize that if you regularly wear a fragrance that your nose actually becomes immune to it. Don’t assume that because you can’t smell your regular fragrance on yourself, that no one else can and that you need to refresh it. When you enter a room, your fragrance shouldn’t enter before you do. If you’re a smoker, don’t delude yourself into thinking that drowning yourself in perfume or after shave can mask that.

Your voice and your speech can tell others a lot about you. Can people understand what you say? How’s your diction? Do you speak with a regional or foreign accent? Do you modulate your voice to an appropriate level? Have people told you that you have a good speaking voice? Does your voice go up several octaves when you become excited or nervous? Do you even know how you sound to others? If not, try recording your voice and playing it back to yourself. Try to be critical about what you hear. If you don’t like what you hear, know that with some effort, time and patience, you can improve your speaking.

My final thought in this area concerns negative sounds. This includes cell phones and noisy jewelry. Before any one-on-one meeting – whether it is business or social, turn off your cell. Anything less is simply rude to the other person.  As regards noisy bracelets and the like, avoid wearing them anytime in business and think twice before wearing them at other initial meetings.  While many ladies feel that they are a sign of femininity, many find them as distracting. So why take the chance?  Save them for a more appropriate occasion.

While we’ve focused on presenting oneself in such a way as to make a favorable first impression,  that face-to-face initial meeting is also your opportunity to evaluate the other party. To every sense that I’ve encouraged you to play, you will respond. Meeting in person can instantly tell you things about the other person that all their online photos and emails never can. That’s one reason why speed dating has enjoyed the longevity it has. There is simply no substitute for meeting face-to-face.

Be sure to check back in the next few days as the blog topics will cover more special tips for gals and special tips for guys.

If you’re to sell someone on you, you’ve got to sell what you’ve got- the oldest sales adage. What’s compelling about you or your life that could be a conversation opener with someone new?

Start by taking a personal inventory. What is there about you, your life or the lives of others at the event that is – funny, frustrating, strange, exotic, mysterious, etc.?  Everyone knows that humor breaks down barriers. Is there something funny that has happened lately either to you or someone you know? Is there something obvious about your current state that you could leverage into a conversation opener?

For example, if you have an obvious injury, while it is not funny in itself, it might be funny or compelling in the retelling about how it happened. Let’s face it, everyone’s probably curious anyway. And, the ability to laugh at oneself is a special gift.

I once attended a cook-out at which the only person whom I knew was the date who brought me. I couldn’t help but notice a woman there who was in casts from just below both her knees down. Knowing that there just had to be quite a story behind those casts, I asked her how she got that way.

“I got hit by a train” was her explanation. Talk about a conversation starter! As soon as she said that, the jaws of everyone within earshot dropped when we realized that she wasn’t kidding. Believe me, she had our attention.

Inspired by an angel: though Farrah Fawcett’s legendary mane was much imitated, once she’d ridden that wave, she moved on. So should we.

If you haven’t updated your hairdo in the past 5 years, it’s time. It’s really time. Nothing dates someone faster than a hairstyle which is outdated. It’s a crime of which many of us are guilty – both gals and guys! Think about it. If your look is seriously out-of-style, someone might think that that’s reflective of your general mindset – that you along with your hair-do are still stuck back in the 80’s (for instance).

When we’re young, in the prime of our lives, somehow, it seems easier to keep current. But as life and its many priorities weigh down upon us, other things bid for our attention. Some people feel more secure surrounded by a look that reflects a time when they were young and attractive and life was carefree. But time and bodies have a way of marching on. What was flattering to you in high school or college, simply won’t continue to be as hair thins, recedes, fades, grays, etc. – I think you get the picture.

So take a cue from Farrah, a lady whose beauty and style continued to evolve long past her glory days as one of Charlie’s Angels. If what I’ve related here hits home, think about an updated do. If you don’t feel your regular stylist is up to the task, look around – literally. If you know or see someone with a great look, ask them who styles their hair. When you watch TV, pay attention to looks you like on actors, newscasters and hosts who are about your age. It’s their business to look good. (Of course, you’ll want to except styles worn by actors who are preparing for period or character roles.)

Consult someone younger – even a teenager, if you have one in your circle. You might be surprised at their insight. You’ll have to trust that just because they might be wearing hair color that looks influenced by an artist’s color wheel, doesn’t mean that they’ll suggest that for you.