speeddadiva

When taken in the context of dating, dress for success takes a different spin. Keep in mind that anytime you plan to attend an event where the majority of those in attendance will be setting eyes on you for the first time, you must do all you can to make a positive first impression. Even if the event is outdoors, like our Inning Dates events, a safe bet is to aim for a look that’s  something in the range of what would be considered somewhat dressy to business casual. A cocktail dress or three piece suit might be too much while athletic or sports outfits, overalls and jeans are too casual.

Dress for your audience, not to please yourself. Ladies, dress for the men. Men, dress for the ladies. What’s the difference? Plenty! But, perhaps, not in the overt ways you might think. Using proven science can increase your chances of attracting the opposite sex. Science is discovering that men and women actually see things differently. Men are drawn to bright colors but often do not experience the intensity of color and can have a hard time focusing on the detail in prints. So, bright solids may attract their eye more than a busy print or plaid or a drab solid.  Think of that the next time you see a mysterious stranger across a crowded room.

Many people favor black because they consider it dressy, dramatic and foolproof (read “easy”). But, especially, at evening gatherings, it’s easy to become lost in a sea of black because so many others are also wearing black.  I had a gal pal who flatly refused to wear black if she was headed to a dressy event. She always opted instead for a bright color like red, vivid pink or royal blue because she wanted to be sure to stand out in the crowd.  If you’ve ever been to a black tie affair, you can confirm her theory.

Also. be aware that as one ages and looses some skin and hair pigment (hair begins to gray), black can become draining. Consider alternatives like dark blue, gray or brown. Or, wear a more flattering color nearer to your face and the black as a bottom. A few years ago, More magazine’s “What to Wear for the Rest of Your Life,” column had a great article about recognizing that as we age and our coloring changes so too should our color choices. It offered some practical advice as well as concrete examples of more flattering color options.

In this time of fiscal restraint, something that costs nothing is to take a walk through a favorite clothing store and just be inspired by the colors that are currently in vogue. Then take an inspiring walk through your own closet. You might just strike gold. Take a cue from retailers and professional dressers and arrange the clothing in your closet by color and intensity so that they span from dark to light or vice verse.  You’ll be able to pull together combinations that might never have occurred to you before – just because now color coordinates are in close proximity.

Select a color or color combination that flatters you. One hint is if you have to use a lot of make-up or other color near your face, then that color is not maybe as flattering as another might be for you. Also learn whether your coloring is warm or cool and gravitate to those ranges within a color as they’ll be more complementary.

Make sure your clothes fit and that they flatter your body type. There’s a difference between clothes that fit well and those that don’t. That might seem silly to anyone who hasn’t ever watched “What Not to Wear.” Clothes that fit your body aren’t so tight that they create bulges or make it look like you’re falling out of them. If you’re at all overweight,  something too tight makes that more obvious.  If you’re skinny, it makes you look even skinnier. Clothes shouldn’t engulf your body either. That can make someone with a small frame look even smaller.

If you have a bulge here or there, seek out a good lingerie department or store. The list of foundation options that can address a figure challenge just continues to grow.  Why not try some of the new slinky type knits that just skim the body instead of clinging to it? Identifying and accepting your body type can go along way to finding clothes that flatter it.

A former co-worker of mine was very petite but she never seemed as tiny as she actually was because she learned the secret of monochromatic dressing. She cultivated a head-to-toe same color look which seemed to elongate her body. It became her trademark and was very flattering. This can also be a very fashionable and safe look for men who maybe don’t have a strong fashion sense. The first step in having good taste is learning what is “good taste” (flattering) for you!

When you’re speed dating or networking, you only have a few minutes to make a connection. But there are many similar situations that can present themselves socially and professionally.   That’s why developing skills relative to how to start a conversation and to connect with someone is so important.

It’s natural for us to feel more at ease with people who are more like ourselves than different.  Not surprisingly, a key to breaking the ice is to try to establish a common bond between yourself and someone you’ve just met or would like to meet. Salespersons are usually masters at this.

Always be on the look out for clues. Maybe the person is wearing something that indicates an area of interest or expertise. Pick up on business cards on briefcases or luggage.  Usually the company logo is large enough to read even if their name or title isn’t. Jewelry, fashions and fashion accessories can sometimes offer clues. Practice when you’re in places and situations where there are lots of opportunities to people watch. Beyond the obvious places like malls and parks, try this in places where there can be a real range of people. Sporting events, airports, train stations, flea markets, carnivals and tourists areas are a few places which come to mind.

Once you get really good at this, move on to less obvious clues. Each time you pick up on something, try to think of how you might be able to turn it into a conversation opener. Then give it a shot in low key situations at first. Initially, you may find this less threatening to begin with other members of your own sex. Then as you become more skilled and confident, look for low pressure opportunities with members of the opposite sex. As things progress, your conversational skills should build until you are confident that you can strike up a conversation with anyone.

One of the reasons why singles attend speed dating events is because within a short amount of time you can meet a lot of potential dates. But those logistics can present their own challenges. In order for you to be able to remember who’s who as well as for them to be able to remember you, it’s important for all participants to try to make a positive and lasting impression.

Give this some thought a few days before the event. Is there something that you can do, perform, show or give to those you meet in your matches that will enable you to create a memory? It’s especially powerful if you’re able to relate this special something to the real you. What are your talents? What are you best known for? If you have trouble thinking of something, enlist the help of a trusted friend or relative. This approach may also net you the added value of getting some real ego boosting that will help you with self-confidence the night of the event. Here are just some ideas to help get your creative juices flowing. And, yes, it’s okay for you to repeat the same approach in each new match round or “date” because each is a new audience just waiting to meet you.

• Are you a jokester? Tell a quick & maybe silly joke. (Keep it clean & not offensive.) Even something child-like like a corny knock-knock joke might be just the thing to put a new acquaintance at ease and to demonstrate that you have a good sense of humor and fun.

• Do you have a favorite hobby or past-time that you can project either in its end result or by wearing some related theme clothing or accessory? Ex. If you knit, you might wear a sweater you knit or wear a piece of jewelry or a scarf printed with a knitting theme. A gentleman with a pet dog might wear a tie with a purebred breed or just a general dog theme. However, even if you’re a big fan of a particular professional sports team, unless you own, work or play for the team, you might want to opt for something that speaks more to you and your own unique accomplishments versus wearing official team merchandise.

• Are you a member of a fraternal organization (like Masons, Knights of Columbus, Rotary etc.) with an official symbol that is well known and that you could wear as jewelry?

• Are you active in alumni or university circles or simply a proud alumnus? Think about wearing a shirt, sweater or tie which identifies your alma mater.

• Are you a chocoholic? Offer a Hershey’s “Kiss” to your new friends!

• Do you make fabulous fudge or chocolate chip cookies? Make a “gift” to each new “date” of a piece or two wrapped up or sealed in a zip lock and include a little reminder message inside. (Please note that it’s illegal to bring food made off-premise into a restaurant. But still this might be suitable for some venues.)

• Are you a proud pet parent or godparent? Bring along a “brag” photo or two to share with each new “match.”

There are lots and lots of possibilities. If you give this some thought, you’ll be amazed at what you can come up with. Good luck!

This week’s posts have focused on how to make a good first impression.  Sometimes, it can be just as important that you do not make a bad first impression.  Whether you are speed dating or simply meeting someone for the first time, here are some traits that gals should try to avoid because men have shared that they do not like them in women:

• Hair- Untouchable, over processed or bleached, roots showing, badly colored, extreme styling
• Nails – dirty, chipped or peeling polish, wild or garish nail color, ultra extreme lengths
• Clothing – too revealing, too tight, not appropriate for the planned activity, overdressed, untouchable
• Make up – too extreme, unnatural, too heavy, undead or Elvira look
• Behaviors – talking with mouthful, loud obnoxious laughing, fidgeting, loud gum chewing & smacking, allowing or initiating cell phone calls, texting or other electronic interruptions, mentioning former boyfriend or spouse, lacking goals, gold digger conduct
• Speech – Potty mouth, cursing, swearing, negative

Yesterday’s blog focused on how to make a good first impression.  Sometimes, it can be just as important that you do not make a bad first impression.  Whether you are speed dating or simply meeting someone for the first time, here are some traits that guys should try to avoid because women have shared that they do not like them in men:

• Hair- Obvious comb-overs in order to disguise balding, badly fitted hairpieces, hair too long and dated, extreme hairstyles – too punk or too old, uncombed
• Facial hair – beards and / or mustaches in general, five o’clock shadow, not groomed, multi-colored, patchy
• Nails – dirty, rough or chapped hands
• Clothing – ill-fitting, slovenly, stained, too casual, underdressed
• Behaviors – talking with mouthful, lack of control over bodily functions like belching & farting, picking teeth, inappropriate social behavior, allowing or initiating cell phone calls, texting or other electronic interruptions, mentioning former girlfriend or spouse, lacking personal & professional goals, being negative, cheap, not being open-minded
• Speech – crude, cursing, swearing, negative, boasting, bigoted.

Tomorrow we’ll share the top women’s traits that turn off men.